Have you ever noticed how the self scanner at the grocery store yells at you?
I use the self scanner line because it’s supposedly faster, but I always feel a little intimidated when I have an “UNIDENTIFIED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA.”
Okay, so I accidentally set my purse down. Do you have to announce it to everyone in the store?
And I get a little miffed when I press ‘okay to pay’ and she shouts “CHECK YOUR BASKET FOR UNSCANNED ITEMS, THEN PRESS ‘OKAY TO PAY’.”
Hey, I’m not a shoplifter! And if I were, I’d shoplift something better than eco toilet paper. And furthermore, I didn’t see the garlic clove stuck in the corner of the basket.
What I fear in this increasing techno-age is that Screamy Scanner Lady will start having opinions. Here’s what I imagine in future grocery store hell.
“Welcome to our store. Please scan your first item. Red leaf lettuce 1.99. Brussels sprouts 3.99. bananas 1.50, APPLE FRITTER, 790 Calories, including 37 g of fat, ! 69 cents, nonfat Greek yogurt 3.99 . . . PLEASE REMOVE UNIDENTIFIED ITEM FROM BAGGING AREA
“Organic chicken, whole $7.99, coQ-10, $5.99, HERSHEY’S WITH ALMONDS —THE REALLY BIG ONE. $1.99. (Just because it’s on sale doesn’t mean you should eat it.) . . .
“CASHIER TO SELF SCANNER #4 TO REMOVE GIANT CANDY BAR FROM CUSTOMER TOTAL.
“Can you please up your mind Ma’am! . . .
“Skim milk 1.55, diet coke 1.99. DIET COKE? WHO ARE YOU KIDDING! Do you drink that with yourHäagen-Dazs™! Don’t think I don’t see you in here just before closing.
“Hey, aren’t you a little old to be acting all menopausal. Okay, so leave, but not just yet . .
“PLEASE CHECK YOUR BASKET, THEN PRESS ‘OKAY TO PAY’
“Ha, ha bitch (or should I call you ‘binge’). You pressed ‘Okay to weigh‘ and look at what you’re standing on!
“THE WOMAN AT SELF-SCANNER #4 WEARING A PURPLE TURTLENECK AND MOM JEANS WEIGHS ONE HUNDRED AND BLANKETY-BLANK POUNDS. WELL ABOVE NORMAL BMI.
“How do you like them apples honey? Which, if you don’t mind my saying, you should be eating more of.”
Sunshine in London remarked about self-check-out in her blog today. She gets credit for inspiring me to bring these thoughts, which I’ve pondered for years, into fruition.